Okay, I have to admit it: My main home computer sits in a Very Dirty Room. Sure, I’ve got a way-cool cable Internet connection. And I’m thinking of adding a home local area network so the rest of us can log on to the Internet with our laptops. But guess who shares the room, our sun room out back, with the computer? Buddy, our 5-year-old Corgi. And, what’s worse, he’s got his own doggie-door so he can go out, roll in the dirt, bark at the squirrels, roll in the dirt some more, and then come back in and roll around on the furniture to get rid of all that dirt. Not to mention shedding, shedding, shedding from his thick doggie fur coat.

All of which has no doubt got you wondering…what does all this have to do with computers, software, and the TPCUG Newsletter? Good question, and here’s the answer. Think one word: Computer mouse. Then think two words: Little rolling ball. Then let’s make a stretch and think three words: Try cleaning that thing!

Yes, this article, such as it is, is all about my new computer mouse. Specifically, my new computer mouse with "no moving parts." You know those little spinning rods and that little Teflon roller inside your mouse? The ones that get "coated" (heh) with dog hair, dust motes, little pieces of string, and JPD ("just plain dirt")? Well if you think you have periodic problems cleaning the things…think of what kind of problem I have, sharing that room with Buddy!

So…let’s look for a solution. A trackball! Not! Why? Because the way those things work, using your thumb instead of your wrist, and then trying to twiddle your fingers this way and that while spinning that ball with your thumb…is just plain perverse, if not awfully confusing (it is to me, at least, but then it may be that I’m just not all that well coordinated).

So what to do. Over the last few years I’ve always wondered why they couldn’t take that great trackball-optical-thingie-with-no-moving-parts technology, and apply it to a good old-fashioned, normal mouse, one that slides around on a mouse pad and works the way the almighty intended it to…only with no moving parts.

Well, viola (not "voila," we’re in America now). What do my wondering, wandering eyes see during an entertainment outing last week at CompUSA? Why, none other than a Kensington Mouse-in-a-Box Optical Pro with no mouseball, and no moving parts to clean. Say Halleujah! Not only that, but the furry little sucker was only $20. Well, hell; I said to myself right then and there: "Self, for that amount I’ll take a flyer and see if it really works as advertised."

It’s a pretty little thing. Butttons all over. And no big ball rolling and grinding around on the bottom. Actually, it’s true like they say, "no moving parts." Got a pretty red light coming out of the bottom, aka an optical laser. And to make it more stylish, the same pretty red laser light comes out of the back on top of the mouse too, so you can roll it around and see the red light moving around in the dark (at least that’s what I figure they had in mind).

Now, the propaganda that comes with the mouse says that it "will glide easily over almost any surface." I tried that out on a table-top with no mouse pad. And it’s true, it did "glide easily." However, the pointer on the computer screen didn’t glide so easily around on the monitor. No problemo. Just stick with a mouse pad, and all is/was well.

And if you’re in to cheap entertainment, you can spend some time gazing into the innards of the Optical Pro mouse, because the bottom of the thing is translucent plastic. As Kensington says in the instructions: "Take another look: you can see right into the mouse interior through the cool blue translucent bottom." Oooookay…if they say so. Fact is, it works perfectly, and I haven’t had a speck of trouble from it in the, oh, two weeks I’ve been using it. Also, getting set up is nothing: The Kensington MouseWorks software that comes with the thing installs off of either a CD-ROM or a 3 ½ inch floppy (both are supplied) in a snap.

One other thing, however. While I do believe that optical mice are going to totally wipe out the old roller-ball things, I don’t unreservedly recommend this particular mouse. Kensington is to be congratulated for being the firstest and cheapest with the mostest. However, there are other optical mice out there (go look, you’ll see ‘em); the problem is that they’re more expensive, starting out at $30 or $35 or more, and heading north.

So why not just stick with Kensington? I probably will, but you need to know about a small irritation: The mouse has a thumb-button on the left side, and a button over on the right side that I guess you’re supposed to stab at with your right ring-finger, along with the regular two mouse buttons on the top bracketing a scroll wheel. The problem is that button over on the right. I’m used to picking the mouse up and moving it because of limited desk space. You know, to get the cursor to go here or there on the screen. The problem on the Kensington is that I keep accidentally hitting those side buttons as I grasp and pick the mouse up to move it. Irritation, yes. Disqualifying? Not at all. I’ll keep it.

So for those of you who want to stop wrestling periodically with those little spinning rods and that big ball on the bottom of your mouses…it’s time to Go Optical. Check out the Kensington Mouse-in-a-Box Optical Pro.

For only $20 you can’t beat it with a stick. Why you’d want to hit it with a stick is beyond me. Heck, I can see beating the old roller-ball mouses with a stick, they get so gummed and messed up inside. But the Opti Pro? Not! Try it! You may like it! And if not…you can feed it to the cat.

http://www.kensington.com/ u